“Don’t You Love Me?” Abusers’ use of shame-to-guilt to coercively control 2SLGBTQQIA+ individuals and rural women experiencing intimate partner violence

Womens Health (Lond). 2025 Jan-Dec;21:17455057251335361. doi: 10.1177/17455057251335361. Epub 2025 Apr 30.

ABSTRACT

BACKGROUND: Abusers’ use of manipulative behaviors to trigger feelings of shame-to-guilt (a process through which abusers shame their partners to incur feelings of guilt) among their 2SLGBTQQIA+ and rural women intimate partners is a type of emotional abuse used to coercively control their partners.

OBJECTIVE: This study investigated the different tactics that abusers use to shame-to-guilt their partners who identify as 2SLGBTQQIA+ and/or reside in rural areas.

DESIGN: A qualitative design was used to conduct this study.

METHODS: We used data from two larger studies to undertake thematic analysis using semi-structured interviews with Albertan 2SLGBTQQ+ (n = 18; no participants identified as intersex or asexual) and rural women (n = 11) who experienced shame-to-guilt behaviors along with service providers who worked with these groups (n = 24).

RESULTS: Seven themes were identified based on participants’ experiences, including shaming identity in relation to gender and sexual orientation (manifesting differentially between 2SLGBTQQ+ and rural women participants), emotional and sexual manipulation, threats of death by suicide (predominating among 2SLGBTQQ+ individuals), apologies and vacuous promises as components of the cycle of abuse, using one’s parenting and children’s well-being to manipulate partners, the use of health conditions and faking illness, and the use of religion or faith to reinforce gender standards.

CONCLUSION: For 2SLGBTQQIA+ and rural women groups, situating shame-to-guilt behaviors within the cycle of abuse is important information that has not been explored extensively in the intimate partner violence literature. For individuals self-identifying as 2SLGBTQQIA+ or women living rurally, the means through which they are shamed-to-guilt intersects with their unique identities and positionality. Therefore, recommendations are presented to help these groups rebuild their identities when shame-to-guilt behaviors were experienced as part of the abusive dynamic.

PMID:40305499 | DOI:10.1177/17455057251335361